Monday, August 28, 2006

School Boys

From one generation

to the next

they're grubby cuffs,
loose shirt tails
and stone-cut shoe leather toes.

Scraping and scrapping along,
pushing and shoving
- 14 or 15 years or so -
in unison
with mouldy oranges
in dark recesses.

School boys
never change.

- PH, 1990

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Devils, Dragons And Trains Rolling West

Standing on one of Sydney's busy far western, multi-platform suburban railway stations, in the heat of a dry Summer setting sun back in 1990, made me think, for a moment, of how Columbus - arguably the world's greatest dead-reckoning navigator - and his crews battled their way through sunsets and superstitions - towards the New World . . .

*******

We form three crews
in this
reddening anywhere railway place
near the world's western edge.

Our platforms blister and paints flake as
dust swirls in dry-heat dancing.

Ochre teeth in crumpled mouths scuttle
up and by
crackling, cackling,
cracking
at the west,
uncaring of long-past Columbus passions,
coercion
and dead reckoning

And boisterous trains slide by,
between our standing crews,
one
after the other
after the other
after the other
with silent souls they’ll inject again,
out there, further west.

We feel no green-blue salt spray or swell.
No cool water-logged, rolling timber decks.
No mission for a silent god.

Yet rust-red trains
roll on, relentless.

Roaring headless towards setting sun blood.
Towards dragons,
devils
and lost salvation
only lust-filled ancestors dreaded.

Railways And Their Things

You either love
or hate
the smell of railways
and their things.

That musty, medieval smell of
steel powder,
stones
and heavy hammers.

Old passenger carriages,
in particular,
ooze this essence,
along with the smell-in-waiting
of aging timber,
sagging, dusty upholstery
and the mingling of a million human skin oils
on their window ledges.

PH - 1990

How the Internet is shaping Personal Relations - while shaping fresh commercial realities

While I wrote this article back in October 2002, I believe it still stands true. I'd love to hear your comments!


********

IT’S BECOMING increasingly difficult to tell where online relationships end and online commerce begins. Where genuine ‘marketplace’ conversation ends, and the buying and selling of products and services start.

Or where traditional public relations end and what I now call personal relations kick in.

Having long been a public relations consultancy, ZoomBuzz Online Communications (my previous ciorporate communications business - PH) is remodelling its day-to-day business activities for our clients around this new personal relations model, a mode of business communication that’s quietly becoming commercial reality for many smaller organisations and communities around the world.

Personal relations dictate that for organisations to thrive, they must open up genuine personal dialogue with all audiences critical to their ongoing success. They must become truly involved with their audiences – on as many levels as possible.

It’s what Donald Alexander, of the School of Contemporary Communication at Central Queensland University refers to as the process of ‘demassification’ in his recent paper: New Information & Communication Technologies & the ‘Demassification’ of Public Relations (2002).

Alexander says: “The development of new information and communication technologies such as the Internet . . . have created opportunities . . . for organisations and active publics to communicate interactively with each other.

“The term ‘demassification’ is given to this process which . . . allows communicators such as public relations professionals to interact directly with selected publics.”

In the real world, personal relations works like this . . .

I belong to an esoteric, online community of narrow-gauge tramway modellers operating in a particular scale and track gauge. The group – with members throughout North America, the UK, the Continent, Russia, Japan, Australia and New Zealand – consists of hobbyist modellers and commercial kit makers who also model.

The lines between pure hobby and commercialism have been blurred because of the personal relationships that have developed in the online ‘bazaar’ in which the group gathers and communes.

The three prominent commercial members offer advice on their own products, praise other manufacturers for the quality of theirs (!) and engage with the rest of us (and each other) in day-to-day hobby banter.

On September 9, Michael, a Dutch member, posted an image of an unusual, home- brewed, self-propelled tramway “dumper” wagon he’d developed on his modelling bench. Michael had cobbled the model together from plastic scraps, a bucket from a mass-produced commercial skip wagon and a readily available mechanism (to power it). He’d also added a driver figure (also marketed by a large European modelling company).

Interest across the group, which currently numbers about 30-40 was instant.
Steve, a UK-based commercial member – who supplies many of the loco and rolling stock kits we buy, assemble and model with – weighed into the chat. He posted a message that there had been several real-life prototypes similar to Michael’s model.

Steve praised Michael’s modelling efforts, and for sharing his images with us.
Eleven days later, on September 20, after continuous, enthusiastic discussion within the group – including at least one rather cheeky inquiry (from Don, in the US) as to when we could all expect Steve “to make a product announcement” – Steve chimed in to say he’d been listening to us, and had developed masters for a similar motorised tipper car model!

Identical inquiries came in almost simultaneously from Tim, also in the US, and from me here in Australia.

Once posted, images of these masters proved an instant hit within the group. Michael chimed back in, saying Steve’s proposed motorised tipper was “a great looking thing!”

I also posted an inquiry as to what kind of mechanism would power the finished model, clearing up the issue for myself and a number of other members.

On September 21, Steve announced he was producing a commercial kit based closely on Michael’s original model. “Many thanks to you all for your positive feedback,” appeared at the foot of his announcement.

Four days later, Steve posted images of not one – but two – variants of the same self-propelled vehicle – one a flat car for carrying tools, sacks, drums, etc., and one a tipper designed for carrying gravel, sand, clay, etc.

These images appeared as “a world first” on a site dedicated to promoting our particular modelling scale and narrow track gauge.

Steve subsequently informed the group the kit would be commercially available on October 26. And, in typical Steve style, he openly praised the quality of the scale figure of the driver he’d recommended – despite the fact “Jon” was developed and is marketed by another organisation!

Now let’s just hold it here . . . Let’s look carefully at what happened . . .

In just 46 days, we’d gone from a single member posting his lone model for discussion to the commercial release of two kits (both called Midge) that are likely to sell well – not only to members of the consortium, but possibly to hundreds of other modellers around the world within the next 12 months.

And during this time, discussion on a wide range of issues – from micro layout development and painting figures, to mechanisms for other locos, and rolling stock development – continued unabated in our usual free-range free-for-all.

All the while Steve had been engaging in personal relations with a group he does business with and models with, and we’d all been delighted to be involved in the multi-way communication that led to the development of modelling products we were all pleased with. Steve had not only benefited professionally, but he’d blurred the lines by praising other manufacturers’ products while exchanging general comments and advice with the rest of us.

The top-down, rigid control of communication normally associated with public relations was nowhere to be seen!

Personal relations had enabled all us to engage on a level field of true global friendship laced with personal trust and commercial reality.

The Net is a wondrous beast! In our case, it has allowed commercial development to meld with general discussion of mutual modelling interests – and beyond.

To be part of a global product development cycle, and to see this cycle – courtesy of the Net’s inherent communications qualities – shrunk to less than 50 days is remarkable! Something I would never have dreamt of pre-1995!

There’s a lesson here for larger organisations as they grapple to harness the Internet’s communications power.

Unless they form genuine communities of interest around their products and services, and unless they engage with their customers and business partners, and build relationships on more meaningful, genuine levels, they’ll miss the communications sea change happening around us.
It’s easy to benefit from – and measure the success of – this new personal relations form of communication when you belong to a small group, or when there’s genuine shared interest. And when you talk openly with each other, in your own voice.

One challenge larger organisations face will be balancing the shift from staid, staged and centralised public relations – which aim highly manicured messages at a narrow base of mass media – to this free-form personal relations model.

Another challenge – arguably the greater – will be to simulate this level of personalised good will with thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, of customers with nothing more than software that allows these organisations to track click- throughs and buying habits, and yet more software that allows them to ‘personalise’ bulk email messages, newsletters, etc. I marvel at the technology Amazon uses to track my buying habits, and attempts to build a “relationship” with me.

But at the end of the day, I prefer chatting to Steve and Mike and Don and Carl and Jim in my own voice, and having them chat to me in theirs . . .

The commercial side of these relationships then comes easily.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Never forget your roots

I had a major-league problem with my home city of Wollongong by the time I had finished high school and was starting at university, in Sydney.

I ranted this terrible alliteration back in December 1973. Needless to say, the bitterness has long rubbed off - as has Wollongong's heavy-duty industrial persona . . .

Wollongong's a three-shift steel mill town, a sad string of souless suburbs, staggering down the coastline in search of a city. Where haute cuisine is an Hawaiian pizza on a Friday night - and you can find it after the bars shut, and it isn't cold . . .

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

It's the same ol' place . . .

Couldn't resist adding this snippet fron Earth Opera's seminal album of '69 - The Great American Eagle Tradegy . . .

Call out the Border Guards.
The kingdom is crumbling.
The King is in his counting house
Laughing and stumbling.
His armies are extended
Way beyond his shores . . .
And he sends all his lonely boys to die
In his foreign jungle wars.

Like I say, when you look at the Middle East today - some 37 years down the track since this was written - nothing much seems to have changed . . .

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Warmth In Knowing

I wrote this short story some time ago, and think it fits well with my other ramblings. Enjoy!

*******

Regicide . . .

The word’s still causing the hammers to murmur against my head’s fragile anvils. Other noises are waving over and through me, too, but none protrude to make a shape sharper in this warm marble chamber than that one word. Regicide.

The crimson Panel Judges – some looking across at me impassively, others talking quietly and sideways to one another while folding away notes on this, their final case for the morning – have passed sentence on my crime they say had almost been committed within the past six hours.

Other people remain seated on the chamber’s stepped terraces, staring up at me from their distance. Others thread their way through the rich cream and pink openness, as if moving from one space designed for their lives to another. Victual sellers to the sides of the throng have learnt through practiced eons their art of providing sustenance to those witnessing the sentencing of others for capital matters. Today, their reverence is reserved for me. Reverence and the reflection of unknown fears show in faces staring back at me.

I’m touched by those hundreds who show me regard, and understand those other hundreds moving gently on queue to the next phases of their lives. None, I know, are without consideration.

The hammers still murmur my sentence, to be carried out in a public place when least expected sometime (strictly) within the next 20 hours. And while I accept without qualm the Panel Judges’ ruling, I know the King still lives. His visage beams down at every major walk-avenue intersection, as it has throughout what I now realise has been my relatively short life. But that’s not the point . . . I must have, as the Judges conceded, known in my heart’s darkest shaft that I wished my King dead. Why else would I have been arrested, charged and sentenced for this crime of crimes, next only to the wanton smashing of gods?

My guards, who stood silently at my side throughout the 80-second trial, walk forward now through the chamber, with me between them. I see people I have known for years, some almost for the whole time, and realise they will know me to the end. Most stare blankly, with eyes not sure of what to say. At the chamber’s doorspace, where it merges into the Walk-Avenue of Laws, these guards turn to me, smile and shake my hand gently before merging into the crowds.
I’m to make best the
Time For Farewells.

I’ve always been told that death,
The Silence, while shaping collective determination, remains a profoundly lonely experience. Knowing when I entered life, and now when I’ll exit, automatically weighs my existence in calm balance.

Threading my way long the Walk-Avenue of Laws, I can no longer feel the dread of pulpits. I try. But it only makes me smile to now realise the savage myths of religious childhood help form our darkness – that part that marks us apart, punctuating our damage. I realise I simply can’t comprehend the enormity of the void ahead – one I will enter before another day dawns.

Nor can I fight the sentence. It will be administered by prick – by whom the Panel Judges didn’t say. On balance, I calmly accept that I'm in no position to fear
The Silence with what consciousness I have left.

The hours lick by like all the others I have known. Friends who have heard of the trial and sentence melt out of the crowd, become concrete before me and shake my hands. While they say they fear for me, I ask, over the hours, for their reasons. However, as their times have not yet come, the myth veils remain tightly in place. I continue watching people and families continuing with life as I would have done in their circumstances.

A woman I have been aware of for years, but only from a distance, approaches. As she smiles I feel a sharp jab. That very instant I understand that
The Door has been opened, and I must step through it as bravely or as cowardly as I care. Beyond, all is bottomless black. I stare long at my arm, shocked to see a small smudge of blood well through the sleeve of my tunic. I then look up at the woman, whose smile never fades. And then I realise she, too, has her hand extended to shake mine.

The smashing wave of airlessness passes as this woman backs away into the swirling throngs, still smiling. I look at my arm, at the blood and what it means, and notice for the first time the delicate patterns of feldspar in the ancient granite pathway.

I’m increasingly aware of the most reverent adventure I’ll ever face, and feel warmly humbled as the wave recedes back to my previous calm. I take in everything I can, noticing now the latticework dripping between the columns and framing their capitals. The feldspar glints as I close my eyes slowly, suddenly deliciously tired. I open them again. Slowly. The feldspar . . . The lattice . . . The beaming orbs of faces gliding in and out of vision . . .

I remember my grandmother’s words when I asked her questions she didn’t really want to answer: “It’s a wigwam for a goose’s bridle,” she'd say softly.

I feel my eyes closing again, and while I try to fight their action, I’m yearning the sleep one craves after a day’s hard, hard work. The faces melt together. The feldspar lashes all colours around me. The latticework recedes to the ceiling . . . Way up there . . .

I notice for the first time that the heel of my left boot is slightly run down, and coming away from the soul. I’m a child again, and my mother’s face is smiling down at me. I'm reaching up and up and up towards her. And the higher I reach, the lighter I feel.

Her words comfort me as she passes her soft hand across the heels of my school moccasins. “A good soldier never looks behind . . .”


oOo

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Measuring life in trains

Thomas Stearns Eliot, in his seminal Prufrock, bleakly spoke of measuring out a life in coffee spoons. For reasons that have never been absolutely clear, I have measured much of my in trains and railways. For outsiders, almost as trivial as coffee spoons – but never for me.

While I’ve come to love trains and railways over the years, I can’t say it was always the case. Pre-teens, I just remember them. As the years rolled on, and the fixation deepened, they have continued to punctuate elements of my childhood, youth and adult years.

There’s something about steel wheels on steel rails, and especially about decrepit rails disappearing into long grass, or being swallowed by encroaching bush. It has thrilled me to discover a line I never knew existed. Or one I knew of only vaguely, via hear-say. And if the gauge is narrow, say 2ft or slightly more, the thrill, for some odd reason, is all the greater.

I particularly love rickety, narrow-gauge tramways, the unsung underdogs of steel-wheel transport.

I remember clear events and sensations, many stretching back more than 40 years, all relating to trains. And rippling out from these still points are formalised elements of life, like memory tree rings – many in no way connected to trains.

The more sense I try to make of it all, the more I seem to become lost in it. I now simply accepted.

My Mum and Dad were a typical energetic post-war Australian couple, keen to buy a house, grow a family and somehow create a pastoral-like pleasantness that had eluded them to date. Initially damaged by the Great Depression, they continued growing, shell-shocked, in the shadows of fascism, Japanese military aggression and a World War that killed tens of millions and tore Europe a second, fresh, 20th Century asshole.

My parents, along with just about everyone else their age, were engaged in a collective head down-bum up charge into the 1950s. Their mission was to make life better all round, and to come to terms with neon lights, advertising, home appliances and brighter, more peaceful sunshine than they had ever known. To buy cars and mow grass more evenly with powered mowers. Joni Mitchell was to call it the hissing of summer lawns, but Her Generation was yet to arrive. Along with fast food, drive-thru convenience, espresso coffee and on line bill payment.

Dad, a fitter all his working life, really wanted to be a butcher. His dad, Ted, a Great War veteran, had said no, so that was that – a factory life as sullen consolation prize. Mum was a school teacher, and loved it all except for her stint in a dusty, racist two-street town west of Dubbo, before moving to full-time motherhood, as expected. My parents were, seemingly, tea-totallers, although Mum liked her occasional Secret Cigarette, especially when she burnt household rubbish in the backyard incinerator at night.

I landed as a mid-Baby Boomer on the last day in November,1954, while Mum and Dad were renting a flat behind a house in a place called Fairy Meadow. Mum swore I arrived on the 29th, but Dad in his confusion registered me as a 30th drop. Brother, John, followed two years later, then sister, Mary. There had been one still born before me, but never discussed.

And all the while, I recalled the trains. Punching through at critical points, marking territory in which I grew up. In the beginning, all were steam.


*****


Sudden hernia


More than half a century ago, I was being bathed on the kitchen table. The evening was dark and chilly, and Mum’s face was alarmed at my hugely swollen groin. I remember crying – perhaps as much a reaction to her shocked eyes and flurry, as to her panic fingers rubbing my swollen hernia. I can’t remember it feeling like pain, although I still sense, after all those years, the enormous bulge. The rest of that evening was a blur, possibly cream ambulance interior.

My next snapshot is of bright sunshine, of hauling myself up to stare out the window at a flock of pigeons wheeling high in the sky. I watched them disappear from sight, and reappear just as quickly, not realising it was a trick of light on their wings and bodies. An illusion I still find takes me back to the dawn of memory.

The white of the steel hospital cot was covered with its fair share of paint chips, exposing its bare, almost black bones at strategic eye height. I was unaware of adding any chips himself.

I knew my parents visited regularly, but this day they brought me a small, bright, multi-coloured plastic train string toy. They were very well dressed, and smelt wonderfully familiar. I can see himself sitting on my haunches, playing with it, running it over my tiny legs. And can still remember the gut-tearing pain of being suddenly separated again from them, and not understanding why. Of Mum and Dad disappearing again, and of me wanting so badly to be with them and away from this place, and away from this strange steel cage. It was an horrific pain I still feel sharply, despite knowing for years that the best thing about physical pain is you can’t really remember it.

But I remember this pain. Of being alone in the middle of this chipped, cold cot, in this large, airy room. With only my small, cheap plastic toy train as company. I was 18 months old.

*****


Our home


My next clear memories are of my Corrimal home. Mum and Dad had scraped together the deposit for an older weatherboard and fibro box with corrugated iron roof that boomed roundly when it rained. It needed work, side drainage and new fences. My bed was a night-n-day divan with a hard-as-nails, stuffed backboard that somehow swung down. How, though, I wasn’t quite sure. I remember being too frightening of jamming fingers to learn its mystery.

I’d lay awake at night, especially in Winter when the air was stillest, listening to crickets outside. Then I’d hear ancient steam locos pounding steadily up the hill towards Towradgi, heading south towards Wollongong and Port Kembla. The main Illawarra government line was a mile to the east. I could still hear the rhythmic clack-clack-clack-clack-clack of four-wheel goods wagons, specially when the locos shut off for the drift towards Wollongong, some three miles further south. It was always the same. Steam locos labouring loudly up the hill, then shutting off in silence. I always knew exactly when they’d do it, seeming to disappear as Towradgi cutting and the curved, brick single-lane Towradgi Road over-bridge muffled their noisy march south. But I knew they were still there, moving steadily forward, because of clack-clacking goods wagons obediently following. When the last wagons and guard’s van passed under the bridge and into the cutting, the silence was immediate – framed only by the incessant crickets.

I knew some were coal trains from nearby mines, because I could hear the distinctive clonking of ancient coupling links slackening up for the drift south. And while I never thought steam would end, the rolling clank-clonk-clank-clonk of worn, banging connecting rods carried forever on crisp nights, tolling the inevitable. It was around 1959. The following year, Mum took me to school for the first time.

Corrimal nights were quiet back then. There wasn’t much traffic after dark along my Collins Street, down nearby Cross Street or along Railway Street, heading towards the railway station and the cokeworks immediately behind it. Corrimal was country in 1960, and cars came out only in sunlight. Or so it seemed in my early childhood. Cars also interested me at the time because Mum and Dad didn’t have one. Life was measured by public transport movements, or occasional late-night trips in the back of cold Holden taxi cabs, holding onto the chrome hand rails bolted to the backs of the front bench seat.

I also remember two street lights down on Railway Street. From my room at the front of the house, they threw light like stars on traditional Christmas cards. Whether it was the light sharding on my window glass, or the imagined activities of fairies among trees along Railway Street, or the notion that a Modern Jesus lay quietly in a manger not far from my humble bedroom, it was a memory I knew then would stay with me all my days.

The night air bore no other mechanical sounds. The light was still and steady. The calm punctuated the wait for the next train south, and gave the crickets all the confidence they needed to carry on full-tilt.

I knew from this early age that Corrimal was framed on all sides by railways. There was the main line, the one that delivered night trains, to our east. On the southern edge of the suburb was the ramshackle Corrimal Coal and Coke Co line that ran from behind the cokeworks due west to Corrimal Colliery on the Illawarra escarpment. Running about a mile along the escarpment, boring its way through thick bushland at about 400ft, was a 2ft-gauge tramway carrying coal from the colliery to the old 2ft-gauge incline. This incline delivered coal in quarter-ton dollops to the standard-gauge loading screens nestled in the folds of Tarrawanna, a mile west of our house. And on the northern edge of Corrimal, another line reached for South Bulli Colliery, also half way up the escarpment. Everything was steam. And ancient.

I often saw fluffy billows of pure white CCC steam cloud south of our street’s intersection with the Princes Highway, near Hall & Gibson’s Grocery Store and the old Co-Op building. From the hill to the north, near our Catholic Church and school, I also saw similar SB steam and white smoke clouds. I knew I could only see this as trains stepped gingerly across the highway, through their respective level crossings. And every now and then, as I peered from our back yard into the distant escarpment bush, I could see round puffs of white shredding themselves in bush branches. All these trains were largely mysteries.

I remember only once seeing a CCC loco propelling four-wheel wooden coal wagons over the highway, trying to gain strength for the up-grade push to the Tarrawanna screens. A crossing guardsman with a filthy patch of red cloth flag tacked to a stick was the only protection for highway traffic. While SB trains run until the early 60s, I can’t recall seeing any in action.

But rows of ancient, brooding wooden coal wagons of different shapes, sizes and condition – reddish brown for Corrimal, fading grey for South Bulli – stood on side tracks along their respective lines, and in the nest of South Bulli sidings running down to the mainline just opposite Bellambi Pub. I can also remember seeing them standing on sidings at the coke works at North Wollongong. Never moving. Always sullen, full of coal – or empty – and never giving any hint of their fragile future. Coal framed Corrimal, in delicate, 10-ton weathered-timber-encased loads.
I far more clearly remember two brothers, both old men, one with what I believed was half a bottom jaw, trudging down the highway hill from Corrimal, and turning west along the CCC line. I can still see them walking in Indian file, the taller one always about 15ft ahead of his slightly shorter brother, both with their hands clasped behind their backs. Every time I came near the CCC line, adjacent the original Street’s Icecream factory on the highway’s intersection with Tarrawanna Road and the Highway, I seemed to see them trudging up the middle of the line. They were always deep in thought, but I could never read their minds. The brothers were the railway’s flesh and blood, tramping between well-worn rails whose ancient sleepers had sunk into the right-of-way earth, and covered evenly by soft coal dust that had been accumulating for the better part of 60 years by then.

To the north, along seemingly endless Bellambi Lane, long lines of similar wooden wagons stood silently between the laneside split-rail fence and the backs of houses butting up to the railway property. Clumps of grass sprouted battleship-grey fence posts, and coal dust trickled from between twisting wagon boards. It’s a Saturday. I am young, as it’s before my mid-primary school foray into weekend football.


*****

Saturday afternoon walks


My parents liked walking when I was young. We didn't have a car, and walked all over Corrimal, usually later on autumn and winter Saturday afternoons. Sometimes into the balmy Spring. Looking at houses we passed and gardens Mum and Dad admired. They took it in turns pushing the stroller with one or both of the younger kids onboard. I walked alongside, hanging on to cold chrome.

I remember these as pleasant, lazy sojourns, nearly always ending near the bushline, often in late afternoon gloom beneath the steep escarpment, when Dad disappeared into the undergrowth to retrieve yet another delicate fern for his fernery baskets. Mum and Dad liked each other then, and seemed to share dreams and stories we kids couldn't fathom. They'd talk, reasonably gently, of nothing in particular and everything in general. I smelt the rich bush earth, and wondered about the coal line we walked alongside as we headed west towards the Tarrawanna foothills. Dad told me what happened - how ti all worked - but without experience it meant little for many years. In fact, until long after the trains stopped rolling to and from the foot of the escarpment.

Then I'd see the brothers again. They were always dressed the same. And they were always walking west, towards Tarrawanna.
Into the sunset.

Whispering ancestors

One version of our Family History has it that my ancestors arrived in Australia from Germany in the mid 19th Century, Catholic escapees from Bismarck’s dark religious and political intolerance. It had been a large family, with Mum, Dad and a brace of strapping sons, all keen to make it safely to the other side of the world to practice Catholicism and - eventually - animal husbandry in peace.

For reasons never made clear, Mum had died during the voyage, and was buried at sea. Dad and the lads eventually landed in Brisbane. They immediately struck southwards, towards Sydney Town, no doubt trying to escape the heat. There’s no record of what they thought of Brisbane, but I’m convinced they would have understood the rough town’s conservative parochialism – having hailed from deeply conservative Bavaria . One fragment of the story has it that these people were dairy farmers, craving the familiar. Another fragment has it that they were bakers, standing at the end of a long, respected line of craftspeople and traders in that field of food.

Unitl recently, my understanding of this family saga was that Dad and the boys pushed down the NSW coast, passing Sydney in their quest for dairy land. They apparently found it just south of the then small coastal town of Wollongong, tucked into the lush, shadow-filled folds of the Illawarra range. Once in place, they carved out farmland from the temperate rainforest, and tried settling down to farming.

For whatever reason, though, it all become too much, and Dad decided that life under Bismarck’s heel was likely to far easier long-term than life in a rude hut on a tree stump-studded Illawarra dairy. He soon left again for Germany, this time with all bar a 16-year-old son, Conrad. Conrad said he wasn’t leaving what he considered God’s Own Land, and his eventual resting place.

Conrad worked the land for several years, pretty well single-handed, taking time out at night, by candlelight, to write to his brothers, begging them to return. Not because he needed help. But because he was convinced Germany had nothing left for strapping young men but more of Bismark’s Blood and Iron, and graves to be dug during and after future, bleaker skirmishes in Europe’s seemingly never-ending civil war.

Apparently Conrad’s tactic worked, as his brothers – but not their Dad – returned to settle in New South Wales, and to continue clearing pockets of sub-tropical rainforest land in the fecund escarpment range. They would have made money from felling beautiful red cedars, but the ultimately family gain was to come from dairy cattle.

Conrad and those who followed - including a son called Gus - become involved in local government and civic issues.

Theirs would have been a much quieter and a much more measured world. By the time the railway arrived from Sydney in the 1880s, they would still have been more than two hours from Australia’s largest city. Before then, it would have been a solid, hard-day’s travel by stage coach or sea. Longer if they walked.

These ancestors would have made their own entertainment, read by tallow light and lived by the rising and setting of the sun, the seasons and the ringing of axes among the trees – in so far as warmer or cooler weather would have affected their growing dairy herds.

The sad, sad irony of Gus' life and quest revolved around guns. While he and a brother-in-law were hunting rabbits in the hills behind Dapto, his shotgun discharged, accidentally killing the brother-in-law instantly while climbing through a fence.


Before the arrival on the scene of my father’s father, Ted, and his brother, Cyril, this hunting accident that must have rocked the family to the core.

Gus, who had been a keen bunny bagger, never picked up a gun again.

Then there's the alternative saga . . . The one in which only Conrad Jnr and his father arrived in Australia without Conrad's mother. She'd elected to stay (for whatever reason) behind in Germany. Conrad was perhaps nine when he and his father landed in Australia, and headed directly to the south of Wollongong, prehaps having been lured there by preceding Germans.

There were no other brothers. As the story goes, Conrad's mother never did come out to Australia, and his father decided to head back to Germany to either bring her out or tend to her in sickness. Conrad was 14 when he saw his father off to Germany, and he never saw either parent again. Conrad had been left in the care of his father's local friend, a gentleman known as German Jack.

Conrad was a hard worker, according to this version of the truth, but one considered somewhat strange by prevailing local standards. When key Illawarra industries were timber-getting and rudimentary coal mining, Conrad opted to buy cheap land in and around Dapto, clear it of cedar, and acquire dairy and beef cattle. He did this in the company of sdeveral other settlers.

When he came of age, Conrad married an emanicpated convict girl, Mary House, and together they settled down to create and raise six sons and a daughter. And by the time Conrad died, zat a ripe old age for the time, he'd accumulated enough Illawarra land to leave each son a reasonable farm, and his daughter enough money to be independently comfortable.

One of those sons went on to have my Grandfather Ted as his child, and Ted went on to have my Father Joe as his child.

They say there's never such a thing as absolute truth, only versions of the truth. The way we remember things may not be the way others remember the same things. As versions go, and in the absense of a formal, written family tradition, either one of these stories will do . . . And one, in time, will become sufficiently heroic to smother the other. Its repeated telling will ensure its elevation to absolute truth.


An introduction

I remember, as a very young kid, rummaging through a back shed at Dad’s parents’ place near the old boat harbour, looking at all the pictures of starchy strangers from another century, not knowing who any of them were. They stared back at me, expressionless, sitting and standing in their very, very old Sunday Best, in rooms from a long-lost, dusty era.

I’d found them in bulging, stiff-paged ornate old photo albums, stuffed into the bottom of two old iron trunks shoved into a corner of the shed. They smelt as dusty and mouldy and old as they looked. And once discovered, I kept returning to them, usually after Sunday lunch with Nana and Granddad, and before Granddad’s ritual raking of gum leaves into two bonfires for a late afternoon burn-off far up in the back yard, near the shed.

Now in my own middle years, I understand they represent long-dead life fragments, snap frozen on photographers’ glass plates. Just as I remember fragments of my own life as it hurtles towards completion. And the faster life hurtles, the more I scramble to remember, sweeping the fragments together, like those long-past gum leaf piles, before they scattered to the winds of time coming.

I think I know and understood my parents – to the extent they’ve been prepared to let me in, and I’ve been prepared to understand. But I knew and understood their parents – my grandparents – far less. They were from another era, another steam-driven century, born before radio, cars, TV and aeroplanes. My mother’s Dad had died as a result of an industrial accident when I was a baby, and my father’s Dad had died, suddenly, when I was seven, leaving only kindly fragments, smells and sounds to remember him by. But my grandparents’ parents and living relatives are, at very best, nothing but names on registers and flaking cemetery headstones. Or the nameless, mysterious strangers that stared back at me from the pages of these ancient photo albums.

Yet all these people had lives worth living. Loves worth exploring, Sadness they’d have rather avoided at all cost. Kids that grew into families, who had families of their own. They had friends, and lovers, and business associates, and workmates, and comrades, and foes. Now, starting back at me The Kid, they only had their humourless, unblinking stares, and Sunday Best. Their stories had disappeared.

The older I’ve grown, the less of a nameless mystery I’ve wanted to be to the generations that will follow me. I realise may not have had all the fragments down accurately, or their timing quite right, but who’ll care so long as the gist is right, and the intention more or less honourable?

I know mine has been an ordinarily extraordinary life. One worth recording, if only for its wonderful uniqueness. If only for the times I’ve bridged – from slide rule and wind-up watch to computer and digital, on-demand TV. Jesus! My Granddad only ever learnt to ride a bicycle and a shaggy cavalry pony in the Great War. And his father – by all reports – had been terrified the first time he traveled faster than 60 miles/hour in a steam train! Yet I drive to work without a blink, in a car that runs on battery and petrol power, already in the looming shadow of a world running out of oil.

I’ve just never wanted to be a nameless, humourless stranger, lasting well beyond my real days in the bottom of some iron trunk deep in some forgotten backyard. Or worse still, fading from all records, courtesy of what one academic friend describes as the New White Century – a digital era in which images are never going to be as hard and fast as those recorded onto glass photographic plate.

Philip Adams once told me that history should more rightly be called myth-tory. Or should that be myth-story? Either way, when it comes to extremely well-recorded events, historians argue interminably about what really happened. And why. So what hope have we mere mortals, with our seemingly unimportant and ill-recorded lives – so far as the greater world is concerned, anyway – of ever fathoming the ‘truth’ around us.

I’m increasingly comfortable with the idea of swinging through a Gonzo Family Tree. I’ll tell you lots. Some fragments will be bigger than others. Some will be truer than others. (To me, they’ve all become true through the constant re-telling in my own head.) The bottom-line reality, though, is that it’s my tree – right or wrong – and it’s up to you to swig along beside me, determining what you’ll accept or reject.

Anyway, Dad has told me many more times than I believe I can remember that life isn’t a dress rehearsal; we only come on stage once.

Taking stock . . .

Many of us believe our lives are ordinary. That they lack explosive excitment we've come to expect of those we believe should have their deeds recorded for posterity.

But each of us, no matter how seemingly humble, travels an extraordinary road - one never before walked, and one that will never be repeated.

I have slowly realised in recent years that elements of my life - and the family myths and legends surrounding my life - are worth recording. In short, mine has been an extraordinary - albeit ordinary - life.

I will add elements - including poetry, journalism, short stories and other literary bits-n-pieces - to the story as I have time, and as I remember things.

I hope you enjoy this ramble through one man's half century . . .